


The Haunted

by Greenlady, Jen Hall (Greenlady)



Series: Twenty/Twenty [12]
Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-08-05 13:31:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16368539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenlady/pseuds/Greenlady, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenlady/pseuds/Jen%20Hall
Summary: Sorry for taking so long to get back to this story.  But I'm back!





	1. Chapter 1

‘Are we there yet?’ Hutch whined, in his best bratty kid voice. 

‘Patience, young Grasshopper,’ said Starsky.

‘That’s rich.  You, counselling patience.’

‘Yeah, well, you really got no choice right now, Blondie.  We’re nearly there, okay?’

‘If you’d just tell me where we’re going….’

‘How would that help?  It’s a surprise.’  Hutch didn’t much like surprises, but Starsky kept trying to teach him to tolerate them.

Hutch sighed, dramatically, and slumped further down in his seat beside Starsky in the Torino. 

‘Have a look out the window,’ Starsky suggested.  ‘You like this country?’  They were heading to Riverside territory, a little east of the big cities around LA.  ‘We’re coming up on Norco.  Horse country.’

‘Why?’ asked Hutch.

‘Why? Why, why, why?  Why is the sky blue?’

‘Because it’s been holding its breath since we left home,’ said Hutch.

Starsky turned off the paved road and onto a dusty track heading east again.  There was a row of trees in front of them, but a little further on the view opened onto a house.  It was a large Tudor-style house, with several out buildings nearby.  One of them looked like a stable. 

‘Well, here we are,’ said Starsky.  ‘Your patience has been rewarded.’

‘What’s this?’

‘Hutch, really sometimes I wonder how you ever managed to graduate from high school, let alone Harvard.  It’s a house, dummy.’

‘I know that,’ said Hutch.  ‘But whose house?’

‘Ours.  Yours, mine, and Grandmother’s. We own it as of this morning.  I picked up the keys, came and got you, and here we are.’

‘You…you might have mentioned to me we were buying a house,’ said Hutch in a dangerously soft voice.

‘I did, Officer.  I swear I did.  I tried talking to you, and you said, and I quote, ‘Whatever, Starsk.’

Hutch stared at him, and Starsky stared back. 

‘Hutch?’ said Starsky.  ‘Relax.  Breathe.  Smell the air.  Listen to the little birdies chirping.’

Hutch closed his eyes and breathed quietly for a moment or two.  Nearby, in the direction of the stables, they heard the stamp of what sounded like a horse.  ‘Hear that?’ asked Starsky. 

‘We…we own horses?’

‘Yes, my love, we do.’

‘How did this happen?’

‘Grandmother started it all.  She says she wants a place to retire to when she gets old, whenever that will be.  My God, your Granny is one tough cookie. She had people scrambling all over Greater LA, looking for something that might suit her. But she was thinking of us, too.  I contributed some of our money to the down payment, because I knew you’d feel guilty about living here without paying some of the cost.   This place is about a half an hour from Bay City, and about the same from UCI.’

‘Um….’

‘We need to keep up the apartment, or maybe look for a cheaper, smaller place, so if I’m too tired to drive up here after work, I’ll have a place to crash.  And because as BCPD members we need to live closer to the precinct.’

‘Um….’

‘The mortgage payments are about $2K a month.  There’s about two acres of land here.  It’s quiet, like we’re out in the country, but close to the town of Norco for supplies and stuff.  You can ride your horse right into town there, did you know?  And it’s a bit of a drive to Bay City and UCI, but worth it, don’t you think?  Look at the view…. Hutch?  Say something?’

‘Did you really try to talk to me about this?’

‘Of course I did. What do you think I am?’

Hutch reached for him and pulled him into a close embrace.  They were lost in a kiss for a moment, then Starsky pushed him away.  ‘See, Mushbrain?  That’s what you did every time I tried to talk about money, and moving.  You were so wrapped up in applying for leave, and going to UCI.  You just kept changing the subject.  So, you okay with this?’

‘What is this, exactly?’ asked Hutch.

Starsky smiled.  ‘Okay, ready to talk, are you?  We are now part owners of a lovely, two story, Tudor style home, with six bedrooms and four baths.  A stable with two horses, and room for more. I understand you can ride horses?  Okay, I can’t, but maybe I can learn.  The idea, which I did try to discuss with you, is that we can live here – and use the apartment when we need it – where it’s quiet for you to write and study at UCI.  Grandmother thought it would be good for you, while you were remembering all that horror years ago.  She’s worried about you burning out.  Can you seriously argue about that?’

‘No,’ said Hutch.  ‘But….’

‘Where’s the but?’ asked Starsky.  ‘Other than your fine ass, I mean?’

Hutch sighed and let his head settle on Starsky’s shoulder. They held each other for a long moment, then Hutch said, ‘Will you be happy here?’

‘It’s quieter than I’m used to,’ said Starsky.  ‘But I’ll be working in Bay City, and getting lots of the big city noise and lights, and you’ll be here with me.  We’re not out in the wilderness or anything.  There are neighbours nearby.  Norco has stores and a library and movie theatres.  I’m not sure about gay society, but we got West Hollywood for that, whenever we want it, which isn’t all that often, because we have each other. We like socializing with other gay people, but we don't need them next door to us. Right?’

‘Right,’ said Hutch.

‘I’m not leaving you, Hutch.  It’s just a new house.   Lots of room for us to stretch out.  Let’s go explore.’ He took Hutch’s hand and tugged him toward the front door.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

They held hands as they walked through the house, feeling like little children visiting a castle. 

‘It needs work,’ Hutch observed, but without any real rancor. 

‘Nothing major.  Grandmother had it checked out from top to bottom.  No kind of structural damage.  It’s been well cared for over the years.  Some paint.  A few repairs necessary, here and there.’

‘Ah.  I see some rooms are furnished,’ noted Hutch.

‘Yes.  Here’s the story.  Guy who owned it died.  Daniel Boone was his name, if you can believe it.  Died of old age.  He had no kids, and no close living relatives.  Place went to his niece – Shelley Boone.  They’d had no family connection of any kind for years, and she just wanted to sell it. She did start to do work on the house and so on.  Emptied several rooms and stored the furniture in the barn and the stable, but eventually gave up.  Said, and I quote: “I’m not comfortable being there all day.  I get a headache.  Let the new owner do the work.”  Grandmother got the price down a bit because of that.’

‘Not comfortable?  What’s that mean?’

‘Who knows.  Maybe ‘cause of family issues?  She told me she barely knew her own uncle, and they only lived a few miles apart.  When she showed me around here, I mentioned you – as my husband – and she kind of tensed up a bit.  Didn’t say anything, and she was happy to take our money, but I could sense she didn’t approve of us, on principle.’

‘That’s not unusual, even these days,’ said Hutch. 

‘I know, and it doesn’t bother me, ‘long as they don’t say anything rude about my future burning in hell for eternity, but it made me wonder.  Maybe old Daniel was gay?’

‘Oh, come on. That’s pure speculation,’ said Hutch.

‘And it has nothing to do with anything.  I know.  I just like speculating. I’m a detective, it’s what I do. Can't help it.’

‘Mmmmm.  Look at this room.’  The room ran down the entire length of one end of the house, and the cathedral ceiling went two stories up.  The rafters – for there were rafters – held chandeliers.  When Starsky opened the drapes, they could see that windows also ran the length of the room.  Several of the windows were French doors that opened onto a patio.  The sunlight sparkled on the crystal chandeliers.  Windows at each end of the room were made of stained glass, and there was a door at one end that opened onto a small walled in garden.  There were two wood burning fireplaces.

The room had been emptied, and swept out, and they could see that the hardwood floor was in good shape.  With more light in the room they could also see that there was a spiral staircase leading up to a loft on the second floor.  They climbed the staircase to the loft and looked down in awe. 

‘Okay,’ said Starsky.

‘Yeah,’ said Hutch. 

Then they turned to the loft room.  It was dim, being quite far back from the windows, and it only had one small window of its own, which was curtained now.  Starsky hunted for the drape pulls and Hutch looked for a light switch, bumping into furniture.  At the same moment Hutch turned on the light and Starsky opened the drapes.  They were in a library, with books everywhere.  ‘Oh, God,’ said Starsky.  ‘Just what we need.’

‘Oh, come on, you love reading, too.  You spend a lot of your free time reading my books.’

‘I do, but you’ve already got your own version of the Library of Congress, and we could move it in here and you wouldn’t even notice.’

Hutch chuckled happily.  ‘We’ll do that,’ he said. 

‘And we need computer access and Wi-Fi,’ Starsky pointed out.  ‘I know you’re not exactly fond of computers, but they’re necessary.  Especially if we’re doing research for your book.  And look!  There are all kinds of little nooks and crannies where you can pretend you’re back in the middle ages when computers didn’t exist.’

Hutch chuckled again.  ‘You’re adorable,’ he said. 

His eyes grew dark with desire.  He crossed the room and pulled Starsky hard against his body, and devoured Starsky’s mouth as though they hadn’t kissed for years. 

‘Hutch?’ Starsky managed to ask, between yearning kisses.

‘Don’t. Don’t stop me, love.  It’s been so long.’

So long?  It had only been since that morning, but Starsky wasn’t about to complain.  He never denied Hutch, if it were at all possible for them to make love.  They were in a crowded room with books everywhere, but they were used to doing it on the floor, and Starsky was trying to manoeuvre Hutch over to an open space where they wouldn’t knock a book case over, when the doorbell rang. 

The bell sounded like Big Ben going off, full blast.  Daniel Boone had been a bit deaf, Starsky remembered.  Even through his passion, Hutch heard it.  He jumped back from Starsky as if he’d been burned.  ‘I’m…I’m sorry,’ he stammered.  His face was white as a ghost.  ‘Sorry,’ he repeated in a voice of ashes.

‘Hey, Babe.  It’s okay.  We’re okay.  People are scheduled to be coming here the next few days to do cleanup and so on.  I think some neighbour kid comes every few days to exercise the horses.’  Starsky was tugging Hutch toward the stairs.  ‘Let’s go deal with that and then we can finish what we started.  Okay?’

‘Okay,’ said Hutch.  He seemed calmer now.  ‘But let’s wait until we get home.  I want to see the horses and check out the rest of the house.’  His passion seemed to have disappeared as fast as it had appeared out of nowhere.  Now he was leading Starsky down the stairs and to the front door, as if nothing had happened. 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Hutch sat in the window seat, in the little bay window of the loft library of his new home, looking out on the driveway.  He tried to hide it from himself, but eventually gave in and admitted that he was waiting for Starsky to come home.  I’m pathetic, he thought.  How did I end up like this?  I never planned any of it, I just fell into line with Grandmother and Starsky, who are lovely people who love me, but they railroaded me into….

A chill ran down his back.  Something seemed to grab him by the throat and shake him.  A voice screamed in his mind: No!

‘Okay,’ he said out loud.  ‘Have it your way.’  He turned to face the room – the empty room.  ‘What do you think is happening?  You’re right.  I know.  I am the luckiest man who ever lived.  I have family that loves me, even if my parents don’t.  I have a great job, and a beautiful home, and two fucking horses for fuck sake.  I’m starting classes at U of Cal Irvine tomorrow.  I have a husband who adores me, for some reason, and would do anything for me. So, what’s wrong?  Yeah, I don’t like change.  But mostly, it’s because I miss him.  Miss working with him. I’m a baby who can’t stand to be alone.’

Hutch got to his feet and paced about the room.  ‘Yes, yes.  The first few years we were cops we didn’t work together, but now we do.  Or we did. Why did I give that up?  Because I need to write this book.  Because I hope it will help other kids like me, you know?  That’s what I hope.  That’s why I need to do this.  And I want Starsky to love me and admire me.  Will he go on loving me when we’re apart?  What if the book is a failure? Will he still admire me?  I love him so much. God, I love him so much.’

Hutch walked back to the window and leaned his head against the cool glass.  ‘Yes, you’re right.  Whatever you are.  Spirit of Love Lost, maybe?  I hate you, but you’re right.  The only way to go is ahead.  Onward.  How can I know if the book will be any good until I write it?’

Hutch went over to his computer, turned it on, opened a file, and started to write. 

*************

 

Several hours later, he hit ‘save’, got up and stretched and checked the time.  Starsky wouldn’t be home for an hour at the very least.  ‘I’m going for a ride,’ he said to the air.  ‘Want to come along?  No, of course you can’t.  Why do you hang around, when your life is over?  Oh! Was that cruel?  You are a ghost.  A dead person. Ergo, your life is over.  You want to borrow mine, is that it?  Yes, I am haunted by other dead people, so you are not unique.  Friends of mine who couldn’t bear their lives any longer, that’s who.  I guess you’re right.  I do suffer from survivor guilt.  Were you a therapist during your lifetime?  Hey!  That might make you the only therapist I could really stand to tell the truth to.  I’ll consider it.  In the meantime, I’m going riding.’

Hutch changed into his riding clothes and boots and headed for the paddock.    There were two geldings lazing about munching on grass.  They looked up at him, and the black went back to eating.  The pinto nickered and pranced over to him.  He was black and white, with a rakish patch over his eye that had earned him the name Pirate.  Hutch saddled him up and let them out of the paddock.  A long ride about the property, checking the fences would clear his head.  The exercise would release endorphins that would reduce his totally inexcusable depression. 

It also turned out to be fun.  Pirate was more playful and affectionate than Ebony, who was serious and tended to be on his dignity.  That worked out well for Hutch, depending on his mood.  When he wanted to think, he rode Ebony.  When he needed to be shaken out of his self-pitying moods, there was Pirate.  The funny thing was, the horses seemed to know themselves which of them he needed to ride.

Pirate pranced about, stomping on leaves, and pretending to shy at ghosts.  Hutch knew it was all pretence, and didn’t worry.  He let Pirate play, the same way he let Starsky act like a little boy. 

Starsky, he thought.  He should be home soon.  He turned Pirate back toward home and gave him his head, to work off the rest of his energy.  Tomorrow he’d ride Ebony. 

Starsky drove up in the Torino just as Hutch rode down the hill.  He got out of the car, and leaned against the door, watching Hutch ride toward him.  ‘God, that is the sexiest thing.  I didn’t think you could possibly be more gorgeous, but on horseback you leave me breathless,’ he growled.

‘Hmmm.  Well, watch me settle Pirate back in the paddock, and we can go in the barn and work off some of your leftover energy,’ said Hutch.

‘In the barn? In the hay?’ asked Starsky, with a devilish glint in his eye. 

Said Hutch, ‘Yeah.  I want you to know it’s really me, and not our resident horny ghost.’


	4. Chapter 4

 

The barn was left over from a time when the property around the house was larger and had supported more animals.  It was currently being used only to store hay for the few remaining horses, but it was still beautiful, made of virgin wood, and painted the classic red.  Hutch had a few ideas about what it could be used for, but at the moment only one purpose dominated his thoughts.

The barn was a great place in which to have sex.  It was clean.  Several resident cats – who had still not deigned to accept them as useful humans – kept down the mouse population.  There was something secretive about a quiet, empty barn that lent itself to fantasizing.  They loved being out and open about their relationship, but there was something about pretending that it was a big secret….

At the moment, their fantasy was about cops and robbers.  Hutch was a big bad train robber who had holed up in the barn, and Starsky was the cop sent to arrest him.  But Hutch had seduced Starsky and was giving him mind-blowing sex to convince him to let Hutch go.

_Hutch looked up into Starsky’s eyes.  He had brought Starsky close to orgasm with his mouth and hands, but now he paused, and let Starsky’s hard organ slide out of his mouth. He kept his hands around the base of Starsky’s penis and squeezed gently to remind him of what he was missing._

_‘Do you like this, Lawman?’ he asked.  ‘Is this what you’ve always wanted?’_

_‘Yes, dammit!  Don’t stop!’_

_‘Oh, no!  You don’t give the orders here, Lawman.  This is my scene.  This about what I know.’  Hutch blew softly on Starsky’s balls, and licked at the tip of his penis, tantalizingly.  ‘I know you want this, so bad.  You’ve always wanted it, but you were scared.’_

_‘I ain’t scared of nothin’, and I’ll show you, soon as you finish sucking my dick.’_

_‘I might not finish.  I might just leave you like this, if you don’t treat me better.’_

_‘I’ll treat you better.  I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to sit down for a week.’_

_‘I dare you, Lawman!’_

_Starsky grabbed Hutch and rolled him over onto his back.  ‘Put your legs around my waist,’ he commanded._

_‘What are you gonna do?’  Hutch moaned.  But he obeyed._

_Starsky thrust his cock into Hutch’s already lubricated opening and began to move.  Their bodies joined like experienced long-time lovers, finding just the right rhythms that would bring them to satisfaction.  Hutch wound his arms around Starsky’s neck and looked up into his lover’s eyes.  ‘You love me,’ he said._

_‘I love you,’ Starsky affirmed.  ‘But I won’t let you go.  You belong to me, for all time.  I’ll give up being a lawman for you, and you alone.’  He bit into Hutch’s neck and began to suck._

_Hutch looked up, and saw six bright, glowing eyes looking down from the rafters of the barn.  It was the cats, staring down curiously at this strange human mating.  He and Starsky had never had an audience before, and the newness of the experience sent him over the top, into a joyous completion._

*************

Starsky licked a path up his neck into his ear, and murmured, ‘Feel better, baby?’

Hutch chuckled.  ‘Mmmm.  How about you?’

‘I feel great.  See?  We’ll be okay.  It’s all different, but there are compensations.’

‘I know.  It’s… I was lonely, today.’

‘But tomorrow you have your first classes.  Soon you’ll be busy with school, and writing your book, and you won’t have time to be lonely.  And I really ain’t going nowhere.’

‘I know.  But I can’t help worrying you’ll find someone better.’

‘There is no one better,’ said Starsky.  ‘Look, you have to meet my new partner.  Barton is a great cop, good guy, slightly overweight, happily married with three kids, and not at all into me except as a partner at work.’

‘Good,’ said Hutch.  ‘Let’s talk about the barn.’

‘The barn?  What about the barn?’

‘I’m thinking we could grow mushrooms in it.  It’s the perfect environment.  Mushrooms, sprouts, stuff like that.  Easy to grow, doesn’t take a lot of work.  We could sell some of the produce at the local market.  Make friends in the community.’

‘Okay.  This sounds interesting.’

‘I’d like to build a greenhouse, too.  You know how much I love plants, and I never had enough room.’  Hutch turned and looked deeply into Starsky’s eyes.  ‘If I’m going to be digging down deep into my unhappy memories, I need to be busy.  I need to have so much to do that I won’t sink into despair.  I learned that the first time.  I need your support, Starsky.’

‘You have it, Babe.  Like I keep tellin’ you, I ain’t goin’ nowhere.’

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Hutch parked his blue Mercedes in the student parking lot and approached his first class with a bit of trepidation.  It was a silly trepidation, but he felt it nevertheless.  The University of California Irvine was a good school, but not up to the level of, say, Harvard, of which he was a graduate.  He needn’t feel inferior in any way. 

He kept telling himself that as he walked among the crowds of students who looked like they should be in kindergarten instead of college.  Had he aged so much in the last few years?  A few weeks ago, he’d visited his alma mater and he hadn’t felt this old.  But then he’d been with his grandmother, and had held Starsky by the hand as they’d walked across the campus, thus fulfilling a long-held dream.  He’d remembered all those times he’d watched male/female couples walk along holding hands, aching with longing to be able to do that with a male lover.

Starsky always made him feel young, and he’d been so admiring as Hutch had pointed out various landmarks.  Starsky had told him the most important landmark to him was where Hutch had lived in residence.  Hutch smiled, remembering that moment and holding the memory in his heart as he entered the first class of the day, which on Monday was from 11AM to noon.  Starsky had promised to try to join him on campus for lunch, and though Hutch didn’t expect it, just the thought cheered him up. 

The course was called Hate Crimes 101.  The professor, a middle-aged woman called Dr. Anne Reid, introduced herself as a graduate of Harvard in Anthropology, which made Hutch chuckle to himself.  She had graduated a couple of decades before he’d attended Harvard, but he remembered her name in the lists of former Anthropology graduates. 

She talked about the course and why it interested an anthropologist.  ‘Why do people hate?’ she asked.  ‘And why do people commit hate crimes?  We’ll discuss various theories in response to these questions, but for the moment, I will introduce one possible subject for you to think about before the next class, or before your seminar class if that comes first.  A hate crime is a crime committed against a member of a group that the perpetrator has identified as ‘guilty’ in some way, and thus deserving of hate.  Not all crimes are hate crimes, and some critics claim this is wrong.  Why should one crime be a hate crime and not another?  If you get mugged and robbed on the way home from school today, it’s likely not a hate crime, regardless of your race or religion, because muggers are usually after money, not revenge against your race or religion.  They don’t care about your race or religion, because that doesn’t affect the value of your money.

‘Usually hate crimes are committed against minority groups.  I say “usually” because there are no absolutes in human behaviour…. Yes?  The gentleman with his hand raised has a question?’

The gentleman in question was sitting one row in front of Hutch, and the next aisle over in the large lecture theatre.  He’d been muttering to himself for some time.

‘I do have a question,' the gentleman said.  'Why are hate crimes against the majority always ignored?’

‘I don’t know what you mean, sir.  Few such crimes are committed against an entire majority.  We might call mass murder of a large ethnic group “ethnic cleansing”, or a "war crime", and we will be studying instances of that.  Such crimes are usually committed by the ethnic group in power, which is usually the majority, not the minority.  Notice again that I keep using terms such as “usually”.  If anyone knows of documented cases of hate crimes that don’t fit the pattern, please bring evidence to your seminar classes where you may discuss them there.

‘Now, there are course outline handouts with reading lists and so on circulating around.  Please check the dates at which essays are due. Not knowing when an essay is due is not an excuse for not handing it in….’

The first class ended, and Hutch got to his feet, clutching his copy of the course outline desperately.  Images of readings, essays, and seminar discussions danced in his head like demonic sugar plums.  He’d have to hunt down his old copy of the MLA Handbook – but no!  It had probably gone into an entirely new edition by now.  God!  Were there new rules about how to cite sources?  What were the rules about citing material you found online? 

‘Isn’t it annoying?’ asked a voice at his elbow.

‘Mmmm,’ said Hutch, vaguely.

‘Minority groups, minority groups, minority groups,’ the speaker mocked. 

Hutch turned to see that it was the gentleman one row down and one aisle over.  ‘What’s your point?’ he snapped. 

‘What about the rest of us?’

‘What about you?’ snarled Hutch.  ‘Feel left out?  You want a hate crime committed against you just to make a point?  Hang around long enough on this planet and someone will make you suffer for some reason or other, believe me.  Don’t ask for trouble.’

Hutch stomped ahead. 

The gentleman yelled after him, ‘I wasn’t asking for trouble!’

‘Good,’ muttered Hutch to himself.  His phone buzzed in his pocket.  He answered.  It was Starsky.  ‘Hey, Babe, what’s up?’ Hutch asked.

‘I’m right outside your building,’ said Starsky.  ‘Got an hour off for lunch.  Where you wanna go?’

‘That’s great!’ said Hutch.  ‘I’m leaving the building now.  And here am I, on the building steps, walking toward you.’

‘Oh!  You’re in a good mood.’ Starsky chuckled.

‘I am now,’ said Hutch.  He grabbed Starsky and pulled him in for a quick kiss.  ‘Come on, let’s find out how awful the food is in the Student Union Cafeteria.’

‘Can’t be as bad as all those hospital cafeterias we’ve been in.  Hmm. Who is that guy on the steps? Looking after you like you’re scum or something. How dare he?’

‘Which guy?  Oh, him.  Creepy guy in my class who thinks minority groups are privileged.  Forget him.  The Student Union building is over here.’  He took Starsky’s hand and held onto it the whole way.  Hutch felt privileged. 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Hutch drove his Mercedes in through the gates of his new estate and sat looking out the window at his lovely home.  There were two horses grazing in the nearby paddock.  Starsky wasn’t home yet, but he soon would be.  How had he become so lucky?

But no.  Lucky wasn’t the right word.  He hadn’t won the land and house and horses in a lucky draw.  One didn’t find the heart of a man like David Starsky in a box of crackerjack.   Had he been fortunate?  Yes, perhaps.  He’d been in the right place at the right time to meet Starsky.  His grandmother was a kind woman, who had determined that The Family owed him.

Hutch had never considered himself ‘owed’ anything.  If his parents apologized for how they’d treated him, he would accept the apology.  He’d forgive them, even if he could never forget the pain.  But if they tried to give him money?  Never.  It would feel too much as if they’d bought him off.  But his grandmother saw it differently.

‘The Family owes you reparation,’ she informed him.  ‘Injuries must be paid for.  Think of Irish Brehon Law.  If you injured someone, you paid for your violation in money or goods.’

‘Sheep?’ Hutch had chuckled.

‘Yes.  Or gold.  Wergild of some kind.  What was the use of putting people in jail?’

‘Hmmm.  Did they still need cops?’

‘Of a sort, I suppose.  People committed crimes and had to be arrested.  But instead of sending them to jail, you would force them to pay for their crimes, literally.’

‘Hmmm,’ said Hutch, again.  ‘Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad system.  But did it apply to crimes like murder, or rape?’

‘In most cases? Yes. Capital punishment was rare.  I’m not sure exactly when it was applied, but not often.’

‘So, someone might commit murder, hand over money to the survivors and walk free?’

‘Oh, yes. But the wergild might be very high.’

‘Might be?  If a rich person murdered a poor person, he or she might not be forced to pay out much of their fortune in reparation.’

‘True.  But let’s not worry about that right now.  You are alive. The Family owes you wergild for the harm it did you.  Accept it.’

And Hutch truly had little choice in the matter.  Grandmother was not to be argued with, past a certain point.  She was a lot like Starsky in that sense.  Starsky might act like a little boy with him, but he was tough as nails, and quite capable of laying down the law if he thought it justified.  There was something calming and comforting about it all.  As both his grandmother and his partner had pointed out, he had proved he could support himself.  He was no Trust Fund Baby. 

Hutch woke from his little space of philosophizing.  Ebony, the pure black gelding, had come to the near side of the paddock, and whinnied to him.  Ah, yes.  He’d promised Ebony a ride today, since he’d ridden Pirate yesterday.  Hutch drove around to the side of the house and parked the Mercedes in the carport.  Then he went in to change into his riding clothes.  He grabbed Ebony’s saddle from the stable and went out to the paddock to get Ebony ready.

It looked as if Beth, the neighbour girl who helped with the horses, had been around to curry them.   They’d been exercised a bit in the paddock, Hutch could tell.  Pirate came up to nudge Hutch for a treat, and Hutch fed him an apple, then gave one to Ebony.  He mounted up and rode out of the paddock. 

‘Which way should we go today?’  he asked the big black horse.  Ebony shook his head, whinnied a little, and then headed out toward a nearby wood.  There was a stream that ran through the wood to a little pond, and Hutch thought it would be a great place to have a picnic.  He and Ebony followed the stream back the other way to the edge of their property, and then along a public road for a bit, almost to the town of Norco.  But Hutch didn’t feel like visiting Norco just yet, so he turned back and rode home.

Starsky was already home.  He was leaning on the paddock fence, feeding Pirate an apple and patting his mane.  Hutch had been considering which horse would be best for Starsky to learn to ride on, and he’d thought Ebony was calmer and steadier, but Starsky seemed to have bonded a bit with Pirate, who was smaller and less intimidating. 

Starsky looked up and smiled.  ‘He’s cute and kind of fun, isn’t he?  All those patches, like a patchwork horse.’

‘Yes.  Wanna try riding him?  Just around the paddock. See if you like it?’

‘Okay.  But I don’t have any fancy riding clothes like yours.’

‘Not yet. But you don’t need them right away.  Not if we’re going to ride around the paddock.  That’s the best way to start.  Can you open the paddock gate for us?’

Starsky opened the gate and watched as Hutch rode in.  Hutch dismounted and tied Ebony’s reins to the fence near Pirate.  ‘Let’s go get Pirate’s saddle.  You can just wear what you have on for now, and if you find you like riding, we can go shopping for riding clothes in Norco tomorrow.  If you like.’

‘I’m okay, Hutch.  I’m a bit nervous.  Never been on a horse, just a pony ride at Coney Island.  But anything you can do, I’m determined to do it too.  Lead on, MacDuff.’

‘That’s “Lay on, MacDuff,” ‘said Hutch.

‘Well, let’s leave that part until later,’ said Starsky.

‘And damn’d be him that first cries, “Hold, enough.”’ Hutch continued with the quote.

‘Hey, you do that as often as I do,’ Starsky chuckled.

Hutch showed Starsky how to put a saddle on a horse, and then mount up.  ‘Now, just sit in the saddle, nice and steady for a moment.  Get used to feeling the horse under you.  Ebony and Pirate are well-trained horses, and they know how to follow your every wish, once you want to start moving.  Hold the reins with both hands.  Nice and steady.  Good boy, Pirate.  He seems to know you’re inexperienced, but he doesn’t resent it.  He thinks it’s fun, don’t you, Pirate?  I’m going to mount Ebony, and we’ll all ride around the paddock.  We’re safe here.  The horses won’t bolt or anything.’  Starsky was very quiet.  ‘You okay, Babe?’ asked Hutch.

‘This is awesome,’ said Starsky.  ‘What do I do next?’

‘You tell Pirate what to do with your body.  Don’t pull on the reins.  Hang on.  Let me get next to you, facing the same way. Watch what I do.  Now, we’re going to walk.  Just walk.  Squeeze Pirate with your legs.  Lean forward in the saddle just a little.  There.  We’re walking.  See.  He knows exactly what to do.  Let’s not try trotting or anything today, because that requires posting and stuff.  It’s enough just to see if you like riding, if you can feel comfortable.’

‘I don’t know if I’m comfortable, but this is amazing.  Having this powerful animal between my legs.  I knew I’d like that part.’

Hutch felt himself grow hot.  ‘Starsky,’ he warned.

‘Hey, it’s just you and me, Babe.  And the horses, of course.  I don’t think they mind.  How do I turn him?  We’re at the corner.’

‘With your legs.  Press on his side with your right knee.  Gently.  There we go.  You’re doing fine.  Once you learn how to ride, we can go riding in the woods over there.  Or along the trails, up into the hills.  We’re so good together, Babe.’

‘I know,’ said Starsky.  ‘That’s why I decided to be brave enough to do this.’

They rode for a few turns around the paddock, then Hutch called a halt.  He showed Starsky how to dismount, how to remove the saddle.  How to curry the horse and lead him into the stable.  ‘You want to eat first or go straight to bed?’ he asked Starsky with a grin. 

‘Oh, I’ve got a surprise for you, first,’ he replied.  He led Hutch into the house, and then into the big room with the high ceiling.  ‘Look what I had delivered for you today. Your Grandad’s piano.  I had it tuned up for you, too.  Happy?’

‘Starsky.  You’re an angel.’

‘Not quite.  I’m totally human.  Don’t take too long playing the piano and forget about playing me.’

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

Hutch was feeling pretty mellow as he parked his car and headed out to the University book store.  He and Starsky had shopped for riding clothes early that morning, and they’d scheduled a ride for the late afternoon when they got home.

Yesterday had been fulfilling on so many levels.  Their first horseback ride together. The piano.  Dinner had been good, and ‘dessert’ afterward even better.  Yes, the ghost had made its appearance again, but they seemed to have reached an understanding.  Hutch was willing to share his lust for Starsky with the crazy ghost that haunted the house.  After all, there was plenty of lust to go around.  But the ghost could damned well stay out of their love and other emotions. They weren’t characters in a living soap opera played out for the ghost’s entertainment.  They didn’t even know the ghost, which so far had shared nothing of its own life.

‘You think maybe it’s the guy who owned the house before us?  Daniel Boone?  Think maybe he was gay, and didn’t get enough sex before he died?  I don’t blame him for being interested in you, it just creeps me out a little.’

‘Me too,’ said Hutch.  ‘But I don’t think he’s an evil ghost.  Doesn’t scare me, anyway.  Gives me a headache sometimes.’

‘Yeah, here, let me rub your neck.  That better?’

‘Yeah, you can move a bit further down now.’

‘Here?’

‘Yeah…  Now even further down….’

So.  Okay, the evening had been great all around. He felt much less nervous his second day back at school.  After all, he’d survived the first day, and he just needed to build on that.  Like with Harvard and the Police Academy and his first couple of years as a cop.  You simply went on, gathering experience and confidence, until the new guys looked at you with awe, wondering how you ever got so wise.  Or they looked at you with disgust, wondering how you got so old and stupid.

Walking into the bookstore nearly eviscerated all his confidence and sent him running for cover.  This was the first week of classes, and every student on campus had decided to pick this day and time to buy their books, it seemed.  The lineup was far scarier than his personal ghost.  But he took a deep breath, found the books he needed for several of his classes, and joined the lineup himself.  The line did seem to be moving along at a reasonable pace at least.  The other students in the line were cheerful.  Joking rather than bitching, the way older, more jaded people did.

The salesclerks were friendly and helpful as well as efficient, and soon he was walking out the door with his new textbooks.  Books on law.  That would please his parents, if they only gave a damn, but he should stop wishing for the moon.  Books on prejudice, as if he needed them…. 

And at that thought, someone bumped into him from behind, sending several of his books flying.  The guy sneered, ‘Oops.  Sorry, faggot!’ It was the creep from his hate crimes class. 

‘Watch where you’re going,’ snapped Hutch.

‘Oooh.  “Watch where you’re going.”  Fag thinks he’s a big tough man.’  The guy turned to share a laugh with some students nearby.  No one joined him.  They either stared blankly or turned away with looks of disgust, and he ambled off looking dejected.  Two students actually came to help him pick up his books.

Hutch chuckled as the students handed over their rescued volumes.  ‘Thanks,’ he said.  ‘That’s very kind of you, though I’m not quite so old and decrepit as I must look to you.’

‘Oh, you don’t look old at all,’ said the girl.  ‘I thought that whole thing was so rude of that guy.  You should complain to the student union.’

‘Probably,’ Hutch admitted.  ‘But I’m fine, the books are fine, and what he said was rude but not exactly erroneous.’  Hutch smiled, nodded and moved off, intending to head to the cafeteria for lunch.

‘Maybe not erroneous,’ said the boy with her.  ‘It’s still not acceptable language on this campus.’  The pair joined him as he walked along. 

‘We’re in your hate crimes class,’ said the girl.  ‘We were behind you yesterday as you left the class and got into that discussion with your attacker, and we saw you kiss your boyfriend.’  She grinned.  ‘He’s hot.’

Hutch couldn’t help grinning back.  ‘Yes, my husband is hot.’

‘Your husband?  Oh, you’re really married. Congratulations.’

‘Not quite married.  It’s not legal here.  We’re Domestic Partnered.  Big capital letters.  But as soon as it’s legal, we’ll be married.’

‘Oh, I hope that’s soon.  Will you invite me to the wedding?  I’d love to….’

‘Judy!’ said the boy with her.

‘Sorry,’ said Judy.  ‘Andy keeps warning me I’m sounding like a… ahem… you know that unrepeatable term, with the unspeakable word….’

‘Fag Hag?’ Hutch whispered.  ‘I’m sure you’re not.  I’m sure you’re a very nice person.’

‘I am.  I am.’  Judy was bouncing.  ‘It’s just… gay guys are fun to be around.  I’m straight.  I have a straight boyfriend, and he’s great.  But straight guys get so… Gay men have testosterone too, I know.  But it’s like you don’t let it stop you enjoying life.  Straight guys are always worried they might look gay if they enjoy life.  Am I making any sense here?’

‘No,’ said Andy.

‘Yes,’ said Hutch. 

Judy looked back and forth between them.  ‘Okay,’ she said.  ‘The only answer is for us all to go to lunch and discuss this in depth.’

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Hutch found himself sitting at a big table in the Student Cafeteria, nibbling on a fruit salad, and surrounded by a crowd of people debating gender politics.  The group had started out as just him, Judy, and Andy, but then some of their friends had seen them talking to an older guy and come to see what that was all about.  Most of them had been surprised to learn he was gay, but apparently not disgusted by the revelation. 

The young men did seem a little uncomfortable, while the young women were curious, though all of this may have had as much to do with the news that he was a cop, and that his husband was a cop as well. 

‘Of course gay people can be cops!’ Judy lectured some of her friends.  ‘They’ve been cops for years.’

‘We’ve been cops long as there have been cops,’ said Hutch.  ‘We were in the closet before, but now we’re not.  Well, most of us aren’t.  Some of us still have to keep it a secret.’

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he checked the caller.  ‘Ah!  Excuse me for a moment.  This is private.’

‘Is that your husband?’ asked Judy. 

‘Yes!’ said Hutch, with a chuckle.  ‘Excuse me.’  He left the table and went to a private corner in the cafeteria.  ‘Hi, Babe,’ he said.  ‘I’m having lunch, but it’s nice to hear from you.  How’s it going?’

‘It’s going,’ said Starsky.  ‘What’re you having for lunch?’

‘Fruit salad.’

‘Hmmph.  With cottage cheese?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay.  You need protein.’

‘Mother hen.’

‘Yeah.  I’m looking forward to my second riding lesson tonight. Don’t want you crashing on me and falling off the horse.  What else are you doing besides eating fruit salad?’

‘Discussing gay rights and gender politics with a bunch of students who look like they should be in grade 8 at the latest, but it’s fun.  I probably look ancient to them.’

‘Good.  Don’t want any rivals to your affections.’

‘No rivals.  My heart beats only for you.’

‘Good.  My heart is all yours, too. Along with every other organ of my body.’

‘I hope that includes your skin, too, because otherwise…what a mess.’

‘Hutch!’

************

 

His last class of the day was the seminar discussion class of the course on Hate Crimes.  It turned out he shared the seminar with Judy, which was great.  And, as it turned out, Creepy Guy was another classmate.  Creepy Guy came slinking into the room about 5 minutes late.  This was forgivable on the first day, when students were still getting used to the campus and their schedules, but it was considered polite to apologize, which Creepy Guy didn’t deign to do.  He did glare at Hutch, though, as if it were his fault. 

‘Okay, so now we’re all here, we can get started,’ the seminar leader noted.  ‘I’m Robin,’ she went on.  ‘I’m a grad student in Sociology.  This seminar will give us a chance to discuss the lectures, and subjects of interest to all of us as individuals, if those subjects are related to the topic of the course.  The topic is hate crimes.  What are hate crimes?  Why do they occur?  Things like that.  But first of all, let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves with a few pertinent remarks about why we’re here.  As I said, I’m a grad student.  I’m working on my Ph.D. in Sociology.  I’m interested in the law as it pertains to how society works.  If it does.  Next. The person to my right?’

‘Hi.  I’m Judy.  I’m in pre-law.  I’m from New York, and I came here to get away from the weather, mostly.’

‘Thanks, Judy.  Next?’

‘I’m Ken,’ said Hutch, not wanting to share his nickname with Creepy Guy just yet.  ‘I’m a police officer with the Bay City Police Department, on leave to take courses leading to a promotion.’  Thus leaving out a lot of his real agenda.  Thus making him seem to be a lot more hardnosed and intimidating than he really was.

‘I’m Bill.  I’m also pre-law.  I’m a native of California, and the weather is indeed better than in New York, but there’s more chance of earthquakes, so it all evens out.’

And so they went around the room, until they reached Creepy Guy: ‘I’m Brad.  Pre-law.’ 

Silence.  No charming remarks about the weather.

‘I’m Rita.  I’m Canadian, but I’m living in L.A. because my Mom runs a film studio, and we’ve moved the central offices here, because Hollywood.  It’s inescapable.  So, I’m studying entertainment law.’

‘Okay,’ said Robin.  ‘That was all quite enlightening. Do all of you have your required books?  For today, we won’t be discussing them, but next week we’ll start with discussing ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’. That’s a novel.  It’s often required reading in high school and may seem to be a strange choice for this course, but it does demonstrate certain factors involved in hate crimes.  Who has read the book?’

Hutch had never heard of it, but Judy piped up.  ‘I’ve read it,’ she said.  ‘On my own, not as required reading for school.  I’d say that the Republic of Gilead is based upon hate crimes.  You might even say it is a hate crime.’

‘You would say that,’ noted Creepy Brad.

‘Interesting comment,’ said Judy.  ‘Why do you single me out, in particular, as prone to saying such a thing?’

‘Well, you’re a woman.  You sound like a feminist.  Am I right?’

‘Well, yeah,’ said Judy.  ‘Duh.’

‘Yeah. Duh. Of course, you blame everything on men.  Like Negroes blame everything on white people.  Like fags blame everything on normal people.  You’re a fag, right, Ken?  You didn’t mention that.’

‘I didn’t think it was relevant this early in the game, since no one was discussing their sexuality.  But since you mention it, yes.  I am gay.  What’s your point?’

‘You people have warped everything.  And the feminists. And the Negroes.  You’re forcing everyone to see things your way.  Soon it will be a hate crime just to be a normal, white Christian man.  Take that book we have to read.  It tells all kinds of lies about men.  That we ruin the world, when it’s the other way around.’

‘Have you read the book, Brad?’ asked Robin.

‘No, of course not.’

‘Then how can you criticize it?’

‘I went to a Christian school, and they told us about it.  It’s all hate speech about Christians, but that’s okay.  If we wrote books about the evils of feminism, and so-called gay rights, we’d be attacked.’

‘You do write such books,’ said Hutch.  ‘I’ve read them.’

‘And you didn’t learn anything from them?  You’re stupid as well as a faggot?’

‘Oh, I learned a lot,’ said Hutch.  ‘Fundamentalists hate gay people, and feminists, because we challenge their rigid beliefs about right and wrong.  When someone challenges such beliefs, it’s scary, which is why I agree with the term homophobia.  Gay people who are successful, and walk around free and equal, are terrifying, because we show that you don’t have to adhere to rigid beliefs about gender roles and so on.  That’s what homophobes are afraid of.  That’s why hate crimes are committed against us. Which is the topic of this seminar, right?’

‘And what I’m saying,’ said Brad.  ‘Is that it’s faggots who commit the hate crimes.  You hate normal people, and you hate yourselves. That’s why you do such disgusting things.’

‘Okay,’ said Robin.  ‘Can we try to stick to the topic without making personal attacks on each other?’

‘My apologies to anyone who felt attacked by my remarks,’ said Hutch. 

The rest of the class, who had remained silent and wide-eyed throughout the discussion, replied with vague sounds of forgiveness, like, ‘No, no.’  And, ‘That’s okay.’  Several, including Judy, looked outraged, probably at the suggestion that it was Hutch who had been offensive.  But they all seemed to agree to let the topic drop. 

Brad fell silent, but looked sullen.  The class discussed the timeline of the course. When essays were due, and so on.  Robin let them out early.  ‘Just this once,’ she said.  ‘The first week is always a bit disturbing, and you’re probably all tired.  See you next week, same time, same place.  Bye everyone.’

Hutch got up and gathered his books together. 

‘Ken, could you stay for just a moment?’

‘Sure.’

The others left.  ‘Ken, I’m so sorry about the tenor of that seminar,’ said Robin.  ‘Seminars do lead to heated discussions, but they don’t usually result in such extreme….’

‘I know,’ said Hutch.  ‘But I’ve experienced worse.’

‘Well, you shouldn’t have to.  Not here.  Do you want to file a complaint?’

‘It wasn’t a hate crime. The term ‘faggot’, when addressed to someone, is hate speech in my book, but he’d just claim free speech, and he’d resent me for complaining.’

‘Okay. Your call. But I’ll talk with Anne about it, and we’ll draft a general memo to release to the class about how personal attacks are verboten.  We can all discuss this topic without them.  As did you.  You spoke generally about your opinions on fundamentalism and didn’t attack anyone.  Okay?  So don’t feel bad.’

‘Thanks, Robin.  I’ll see you next week.’

‘Good. See you then.’

Hutch headed out the door.  All his senses were on alert, since Brad had already attacked him twice today, physically and verbally.  All his cop instincts were warning him. 

He was almost at his car, when the attack came.  He heard the soft, quick footsteps behind him, and whirled in time to see the stick coming for his head.  He blocked it with his arm and ignored the sound of cracking bone.  All Starsky’s advanced Krav Maga tutorials kicked in, and in a moment, he was looking down at his adversary lying on the ground moaning in pain. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Hutch sat in the waiting room in the medical centre, waiting.  His arm was numb -- the one he’d used to block the blow -- but so was his mind.  He was a cop, used to dealing with violence, but usually with a partner beside him to deflect some of the effects.  But it wasn’t only the lack of his partner that was making him numb. 

It had been years since he’d been forced to deal with so much violent homophobia.  Lately it seemed ready to overwhelm him again.  The memories of torture at the pray away the gay camp.  The encounter with his mother and his cousin at the Old Folks Home. The confrontation in the park in Duluth.  The confrontation in the hate crimes class only a few minutes before the attack.

He had sent Starsky a text telling him he might be late for their horseback ride.  Starsky, of course, had not accepted his sketchy explanation, and he’d had to tell him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.  Starsky explained -- in no uncertain terms -- that he was on his way. 

Now he sat waiting.  His head was hurting, and he wanted to go home.  With Starsky.  He wanted to be wrapped in his arms, in their bed, the best place on Earth, and just close his eyes and let it all go.  But his arm was probably broken, and he’d have to have the bones set and it was all too boring.  What the hell had he done to the stupid kid to deserve this? 

Nothing, he reminded himself.  He was not going to sink into self-hatred and despondency.  Not again.  Reminded himself that other people had been through far worse. Other gay people had been through far worse.  Gay people during the 80’s and early 90’s, for example. 

The door to the waiting room burst open, and a bunch of kids came charging in.  ‘Hutch!’ called Judy.  ‘We heard about the attack.’

A kid he remembered vaguely from the discussion in the cafeteria, added, ‘We have your books.  Your notebooks.’

Oh, yes.  Everything had gone flying during the fight, and he’d neglected to pick it all up.  The boy handed him his books, and Hutch smiled at him.  The boy turned bright red for some reason and ducked behind Judy.  Must be very shy. 

‘Where’s your gorgeous husband?’ asked Judy. 

‘He’s on his way,’ said Hutch.  ‘Probably stuck in traffic on a freeway, and fuming.’  At that moment he heard a siren, coming toward them, by the sound.  There he is, thought Hutch.  He could hear the Torino screech to a halt outside the medical centre.  Running footsteps.  The door burst open once again, and a dark-haired, blue-eyed tornado stormed in.

Starsky took one look around the room, ran over to Hutch and sank to his knees before him.  ‘You okay, Babe?’ he asked. 

‘I’m fine,’ said Hutch.  ‘I just need to get my arm checked out.  It got hit.’

‘What?  They haven’t checked you out yet?’

‘They’re kind of busy. And then the kid. Brad.  He was screaming he was near death, so they….’

‘They treated him first?’  Starsky was outraged.

‘Well, he did seem to be in a lot of distress, and I did work him over a bit.’

‘He deserved it,’ said Judy. And the other kids agreed.  ‘He attacked a fellow student because he didn’t agree with your politics. Or your lifestyle. That’s not how students at this university should behave.  He’ll probably get kicked out, so….’

‘I’m not sure I want that,’ Hutch pointed out.  ‘No, no. Listen.  He’ll just blame it all on me, and hate me and other gay people more, and what good will that do?  I’m thinking of pushing for him to be suspended and put on probation and forced to do community service and take counselling and gay studies courses.  Maybe he’ll learn something.  But he really must be watched to make sure he doesn’t do anything like this again.’

‘You’re so noble!’ said Judy. And she really seemed to be serious.   ‘I don’t think I could be that understanding.’

‘I’m really not,’ Hutch pointed out. ‘I’ve been sitting here hating him and feeling sorry for myself.  But it gets you nowhere. Accomplishes nothing. I imagine he does a lot of that.  But I’m tired.  Starsk?  I need to go home, but my arm….’

‘I’ll go see what’s going on.  If they can’t treat you, I’ll take you to another hospital or clinic.’

‘Okay, but my car is still in the parking lot.’

‘Barton is waiting outside in the Torino.  I’ll drive you in your car, and have Barton follow in mine.  We can always leave my car in the police garage overnight.  Now you just relax and let me take care of everything.’  And Starsky stalked off to take care of everything.

‘Like I said,’ said Judy.  ‘Your husband is really hot.’

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

The numbness was wearing off.  The numbness in his arm and in his head.  Now his arm and his head were holding a contest to see which could ache more.  Sometimes it seemed his arm was winning, but then his head started to play drumrolls straight out of punk rock. 

Hutch hated punk rock.

Where was Starsky?  He wanted to go home.  Right now.  Of course, he couldn’t, but he wanted to.  Quit acting like a child, he told his Inner Child.  You can’t always get what you want.  Thanks, Mick Jagger.

He could hear Starsky’s voice, and it was getting louder: ‘Yes, I do get humanitarian principles.  Why does that mean you get to treat my husband after you treat the brat who tried to kill him?  Oh, you didn’t know that?  He attacked my husband with a stick.  Aiming for his head.  That’s attempted murder, far as I’m concerned, and I should know, since I’m a cop.  Yeah?  I’ll calm down when you put my husband in a room and take care of him.  Meanwhile, don’t rush or nothing.  What’s a broken bone or two?’

Hutch could hear Brad whining all the way from the treatment room. ‘I’m in pain. I’m in pain.  That fag almost killed me.’

‘Then you shouldn’t have attacked him,’ Starsky roared.  ‘Take an aspirin and shut your pie hole.’

Hutch smiled to himself.  ‘We were going horseback riding after work,’ he confided to Judy.  ‘But I think Starsky is enjoying this more.’

‘You have horses?’

‘Yeah, we kind of acquired them with the house we bought.  Lucky us.  Ebony is all black, of course, and Pirate is a pinto with a black patch over his eye.  Do you like horses?’

‘Of course.’

‘Of course.  You’re a girl.  A young woman. All young women love horses, as I understand it.’

Hutch could feel his blood pressure settling down.  He imagined riding Ebony in the woods, down to the little stream that ran through their property. He imagined Starsky riding beside him on Pirate. They’d stop, dismount, walk the horses beside the stream. Starsky would turn to him with a smile and….

Whoa.  Things could get pretty steamy round about then.  Better not think about it now.

‘Okay, Mr. Hutchinson.  Dr. Stevens is ready for you.  Follow me.’

Hutch abandoned his day dream about Starsky lying all wanton and half naked in a pile of leaves beside the stream, and smiled up at the clinic receptionist.  He wondered why she blushed, but shrugged and followed her to the treatment room.  Starsky was waiting there, along with Dr. Stevens.  Dr. Stevens suggested Starsky leave.  Starsky refused, of course.

Dr. Stevens looked prepared to argue, but Hutch intervened.  ‘I’d prefer if my husband stayed here with me, so I can keep him out of trouble,’ he told her.

‘Really?’ said Starsky.  ‘You’re the one who keeps getting into trouble.’

‘Not on purpose!’ said Hutch, with feigned outrage.

Dr. Stevens sighed. 

 

************

 

Starsky drew up in front of the house, at the wheel of Hutch’s blue Mercedes.  ‘This car is a nice, steady ride,’ he said.  ‘It would bore me to tears to drive it every day, but it’s just your style.’

‘Is this your way of telling me I’m boring?’

‘Oh, yeah.  You’re gorgeous, sexy, hotter than anyone has the right to be, and you wear me out in bed nearly every night, but yeah, you bore me.’

‘Sorry,’ said Hutch.

‘Don’t talk nonsense.  How does your arm feel?’

‘Like shit.  I don’t think I’m up to anything in bed tonight, Babe.’

‘Awww. Damn it. And here I thought….’

‘I really wanted that horseback ride with you. I wanted to see you in your new riding clothes.  Why don’t you put them on for me?  I’ll talk you through saddling up Pirate, and you can ride around the paddock a couple more times.  I’ll watch.  Please, Starsk?’

‘Well, when you say please like that….’

Starsky brought a lawn chair over by the paddock and insisted Hutch sit in it.  Ebony and Pirate came over to him and sniffed at his arm through the railing, curious about the cast.  One of the barn cats had been sitting on Ebony’s back, and she jumped down on the rail, and then into Hutch’s lap.  She sniffed at his arm too, and then curled up in his lap and purred. 

Hutch felt himself starting to drift off to sleep, but then Starsky came down in his new riding clothes.  All thoughts of sleep left him.  ‘Wow!’ said Hutch.  ‘Those riding pants should be illegal.’

‘What’s wrong with them?’

‘Nothing,’ said Hutch.   ‘I need to keep my mind on teaching you to ride, that’s all.  Okay, you need to go get the saddle first.’

‘Figured that. And the reins and bit and so on, too, right?’

‘Yep,’ said Hutch. ‘Then let’s see how much you remember from yesterday, about how to put all that tack on the horse.’

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

Starsky got Hutch settled in front of one of the fireplaces in their big living room.  Hutch didn’t have much of an appetite, but the bowl of soup and grilled cheese sandwich Starsky made for him was at least easy to digest. 

‘Comfort food,’ he grumbled, but not too seriously.

‘Yeah, well, what’s wrong with that?’ asked Starsky.

‘Nothing.  I’m in kinda a bad mood, that’s all.’

‘I don’t blame you.’

‘Well, I wasn’t in too bad a mood until I got home, but this psycho ghost is affecting me again.  He…it…whatever, seems to be upset that gay bashers are still a thing.  I’ve been telling him that things are so much better now – still can’t figure out what his era was, but apparently it was much harsher than our time – so he’s been thinking we’re now in some kind of Golden Age. And now I show up with a broken arm.  No, I’m not a liar, ghost.  But the human race will always have bigoted idiots, okay?’

Starsky chuckled. ‘Can he even understand such a complicated concept?  Get more of that soup into you.  Maybe it’ll comfort him as well.’

Hutch swallowed another spoonful of soup.  ‘I don’t think he understands any concepts.  He seems to be all about emotions.  Love.  Hate. Desire. Fear.  Loneliness.  Especially loneliness.  I understand his emotions especially his loneliness.  I think that’s why he haunts me.’

‘Hey, you’re not still lonely, are you?  We’ve been together for years, now, and I love you more than ever.’

‘Babe!  No, I just remember what it was like.  And if we’re apart for more than a few hours…. But I’m okay, most of the time.  I think everyone feels a bit lonely once in a while, don’t they?’

‘I know I do.  No two people can be together all day, every day. And we’d get tired of each other eventually, wouldn’t we?’

‘Together 24/7?  I guess so.’  Hutch wasn’t that sure, but appearing to doubt it made him seem weak and clingy, he thought. And he knew he wasn’t like that.  He’d survive a long separation. He just wouldn’t enjoy it.

The phone rang.   ‘That’s your cell,’ Starsky announced.

Hutch looked for his cell phone, but Starsky reached for the landline phone on a nearby table.  ‘I transferred your calls over,’ he said. ‘I do it for you all the time.’  He looked at Hutch rather like a fond parent would look at a toddler who was struggling to tie his shoes.

‘Oh, right,’ said Hutch.  He reached for the receiver.  But Starsky answered it first.

‘Starsky-Hutchinson residence.  Detective Starsky speaking… Oh, hi, Judy.  Yes, Hutch is here.’  Now he held out the phone to Hutch.  ‘Just being careful,’ he whispered.  Hutch smiled.

‘Hi, Judy. What’s up?’

‘Ken.  I’m sorry to bother you.  Hope this is okay, but you did give me your number.’

‘This is fine, don’t worry.  Nice of you to call.’

‘I wanted to check to see you’re okay, first of all.’

‘I’m okay.  My arm is broken, of course, but I figured that.  It’s no fun, but I’ll survive.’

‘That’s good. The other thing I wanted to talk about is… well, you know the story went kind of viral.  Just on campus, not all over the internet.  But people are upset.  And some of us… well… wewannaholdakissin!’

‘I’m sorry.  I didn’t catch that last bit.’

‘A…a kiss in. You know.  Like a protest.  Brad got mad at you because you kissed Detective Starsky, so he attacked you, and that’s ridiculous. So, we want to get a bunch of people together and do a kiss in.  If you don’t like the idea, I’ll try and talk them out of it, but….’

Hutch sat silent for a moment.

‘I guess you don’t like the idea. Sorry….’

It was his ghost, haunting him, thought Hutch.  Taunting him.  Back in the ghost’s day, straight people rarely supported gay people in such things, or so he gathered. And the idea of kiss ins just didn’t exist.

‘I’ll tell them you’d rather not….’  Judy sounded really disappointed.

‘No!  No, I like the idea.  It just took me a moment to think about it.  I don’t think I’ve ever had a kiss in held in my honour.  I like the idea, like I said.  I don’t have any classes tomorrow, and I’m going to stay home and rest up, let my arm heal. But I’ll be back on campus the day after. Could you hold off on the kissing until then?  I’d like to watch.  Maybe Starsky could visit the campus at lunch time again, and we could participate. Starsk?’

‘A kiss in?  Really? Sounds great to me.  I like that kind of protest.’

‘Detective Starsky approves, so in my opinion, we’re good to go.  Let me know what you guys work out, okay?’

‘Great!  Will do. Say goodbye to Detective Starsky for me, and I’ll call you again tomorrow. Bye now.’

‘Bye.’

‘A kiss in,’ said Starsky.

‘Yeah.’

‘I don’t think I’ve ever taken part in a kiss in.  Think we should practice?’

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Hutch watched Starsky drive away, going off to work.  It was strange, but he felt better about their separation than he had since this all began.  He realized he’d been thinking of himself as taking a step back.  Going back to his past life somehow, even becoming passive.  Now he could see he was moving forward. Dealing with his past and making sense of it.

When Starsky’s bright red car – whatever was he thinking, using it for work?  -- disappeared in the distance, he closed his eyes and remembered another painful time in his past, that he probably wouldn’t include in the book.

_They’d been at a party with friends, he and Martin.  The talk had drifted to the topic of the possibility of legalizing same-sex marriage._

_‘I’m not in favour of it,’ declared Joe._

_‘Why not?’ asked Hutch._

_‘I’m just not.  I don’t think it’s anything to do with us. Gay men, I mean.  Maybe Lesbians would go for it, but why would Gay men ever want to get married?’_

_‘I’d like to be married,’ said Tony._

_‘Why?’ said Joe._

_‘Well, why not?’ Tony shot back._

_‘It’s all a straight concept, that’s why not.  Gay men don’t need to get married.  We don’t want to get married.’_

_‘Oh, so you speak for all Gay men? Get over yourself, Joe.’_

_‘Hey, guys,’ Hutch spoke up.  ‘No one speaks for all Gay men or women or transsexuals, okay?  We don’t need to fight over it.  Some of us like the idea of marriage, and others don’t.  Like not all straight people want to get married.’_

_‘You were married to a woman, Hutch,’ Martin pointed out.  ‘I didn’t think you’d ever want to repeat the experiment.’_

_‘It wasn’t an experiment. It wasn’t a real marriage.  It was a farce.  If I married a man I loved, it would be a real marriage. Maybe with you some day, if we stay together long enough.’_

_‘Oh, come on, Hutch,’ said Joe.  ‘You don’t really think….’_

_‘I’m not sure yet. We’ve only been together as a couple a few months, but…  Help me out here, Marty….’_

_Martin stared straight ahead for a long moment, before turning to him.  ‘Hutch…I…I…’_

_‘I’m not trying to pressure you into marrying me, I’m just saying that we’re a couple, and it’s working out fine so far, and maybe someday, that’s all. What’s the problem? Why can’t you support me?’_

_‘Tell him, Martin,’ said Joe._

_‘Tell me what?’ Hutch asked, in a soft voice, that shouldn’t have fooled anyone who knew him like he thought Martin knew him._

_‘Look, Hutch….’_

_‘Oh, great. A sentence that starts with “Look, Hutch”.  Why don’t I feel that the sentence will end well?  What am I supposed to look at, Marty?’_

_‘I’ve been thinking.’_

_‘Hmmm?’_

_‘Thinking we should see other people.’_

_‘Hmmm? Why?  Don’t I fulfill all your needs?’_

_Joe spoke up.  ‘No one person ever fulfills all needs for anyone.’_

_‘Ah. That sounds like a great introductory sentence for a speech about the evils of monogamy.  Am I right?  You’re going to lecture me again?  When I told you to shut up on the subject, because I’ve heard enough shit to last a lifetime?  Marty?  Answer me, if you please.  Don’t I fulfill all your needs in bed?  I sure as hell try.’_

_‘You’re great in bed….’_

_‘But?’  Hutch was now staring deeply into Martin’s eyes.  Martin was trying to both stare back and to avoid staring back._

_‘I…I just think we should see other people...as well…because monogamy isn’t natural…certainly not for Gay men….’_

_‘I see,’ said Hutch.  ‘So, all this time, when I thought we were a couple, you’ve been fucking around on me?’_

_‘Don’t… Do you have to put it so crudely?’_

_‘How the fuck should I put it, Marty?  Huh?  You tell me how I should put it in non-crude terms that will make you feel better about cheating on me?’_

_‘It’s not cheating.  It’s not.  You don’t own me….’_

_‘When did I ever claim to own you?’ Hutch’s voice was getting softer and softer with each sentence.  Even Joe was getting alarmed._

_Tony, who knew him the best, said, ‘Hutch,’ and reached out to put a hand on his arm.  Hutch shrugged it off._

_‘When, Marty?’_

_‘Never, but….’_

_‘How often have you fucked around on me?  When did you start?’_

_‘Look, Hutch.’_

_‘Don’t start with that “Look, Hutch” shit again.  I can see it in your eyes. Dozens of times, and about one week after we got together. Am I right?’_

_‘Hutch, grow the fuck up,’ said Joe.  ‘He doesn’t owe you….’_

_‘The hell he doesn’t.  He was the one who wanted us to get together.  He wanted us to be a couple.’_

_‘You wouldn’t sleep with me until….’ Martin actually sounded aggrieved._

_‘Until?  You said you loved me and wanted to be a couple, and it was all just to get into my pants?’_

_‘You’re talking like a child,’ said Joe.  ‘Marty likes to sleep with lots of other guys. So what?  How have you lost anything the last few months?’_

_‘Yeah, right.  I’ve lost nothing.  Because he is nothing. And you’re nothing, Joe.  I’ve just been wasting my time thinking you were worth the effort.’_

_‘Hey! Just because you hate your own sexuality, don’t put it on us.’_

_‘Hate my sexuality?’ Hutch’s voice was so soft now, that even he could barely hear it.  ‘I don’t hate my sexuality.  I hate people like you who cheapen it…. No!  Shut the fuck up, Joe.  I don’t give a damn if you sleep with a dozen people a night, or no one.  I’m talking about people like Marty lying to me just to get me into bed.  If you’d been honest, Marty….’_

_‘You wouldn’t have had sex with me.’_

_‘You’re right.  I wouldn’t.  Have a good life.’_

_‘Hutch!’_

_‘Take your lying hands off me.  Quit looking at me like we had something real and I’m the one who destroyed it.’_

_‘Hutch, baby….’_

_‘I said take your hands off me!’  Hutch pushed Marty away with more violence than he’d ever used on anyone in his life up until then.  ‘We’re finished,’ he said.  ‘But you’ll recover.  Just go find someone else to fuck.  We’re all alike, right? All the same. So what’s the difference?’_

_‘Maybe you’ll grow up someday,’ said Joe.  ‘You’ll be happier if you do, trust me.’_

_Hutch didn’t deign to answer.  He turned on his heel and walked out, never to return.  The next day, he made plans to move to Bay City and become a cop._

Hutch leaned his head against the cool window glass.  Even after all this time, he could still feel the pain of his broken dreams that day.  But the pain had led to the greatest happiness he’d ever known.  He couldn’t prove Starsky’s faithfulness scientifically, but he knew it in his soul.  Starsky never made promises he didn’t keep.  He’d be faithful until the day he died, even if Hutch released him from his vows.

As for Hutch, he’d let himself be torn apart by wild beasts before he’d be unfaithful, no matter how much the world might think that a childish decision.


	13. Chapter 13

 

Starsky had set him up with everything he’d need over the day, right there beside him, so he wouldn’t have to make any dangerous moves and hurt himself, as he put it.  He had his laptop on a table beside him. A pot of hot coffee on the coffee table, along with cheese and crackers and cookies, for God’s sake.  Books and printouts so he could do research if he wanted to.  Pain pills in case he felt pain.  The phone so he could call Starsky if he wanted to talk.  His Magnum, just in case. Hutch had watched Starsky set all this paraphernalia out for him, with growing impatience, until finally he’d growled, ‘Starsky!’

Starsky had grinned as if he’d had a little bet with himself over how long Hutch would tolerate his fussing.  He’d said, ‘Okay.  I’m out of here.’  He’d given Hutch a quick kiss and bounced off to work, calling back over his shoulder, ‘There’s left over soup and sandwiches in the fridge for lunch.’

Hutch was left alone in the big house with his broken arm, his Magnum, and his ghost.  He worked on his book for a while, typing with one hand.  When that got too tiring, he started on his reading assignments.  ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ was fascinating, and kept him enthralled for several hours, until it became too scarily prophetic, and he took a break for lunch.  Then he played the piano one-handed for a while, and finally talked to Starsky, who was having a frustrating day himself.  He and his temporary partner kept getting stonewalled by people they were questioning, and Starsky was missing Hutch’s ability to cheer him up with a smile.

‘I’m missing you like my right arm,’ said Starsky.

‘You mean you’re missing me the way I’m missing my left arm right now?’

‘Yeah, like that.’

‘You’re part of me, Babe.  You’re the one who cheers me up with a smile.  Do I really make you happy the way you do me?’

‘Hey!  Yeah, you do.  I want to sign out right now and come there to prove it to you, but I can’t.  We’re really stymied, you know?  I’ll try my hardest to get home tonight, but I may have to stay overnight at the apartment.’

Hutch couldn’t make a sound for a long moment, but then managed to say, ‘That’s okay, Starsk.  You do what you have to do.  I hope you don’t have to, but….’

‘Hey!  So do I.  Hope, I mean.  I love you.  I hate sleeping without you there beside me.’

‘Me, too. But I’ll survive.’

‘If I do have to stay in Bay City, I’ll call you and we can talk at least. Don’t try and drive with that broken arm.  Promise me, Hutch.  We can survive one night apart.  Got that?’

Oh, Hutch got it.  However he might feel inside, he knew it would be childish to go jump in his car and drive one handed on the freeway just because he couldn’t bear to be apart from his husband for one night.  He got it.  He also knew it would be incredibly selfish for him to expect Starsky to drive on the freeway when exhausted after working overtime.

But Hutch wondered if Starsky really understood how unequal they were when it came to needing each other.  Starsky did far more than cheer Hutch up with a smile.

Take Hutch’s hatred of holidays.  His former hatred, rather. 

_When first they lived together at the Academy, Hutch had managed to avoid celebrating various holidays by pleading lack of energy and needing to study for tests.  After they graduated and got jobs he held off Starsky’s voracious appetite for celebrating using the same excuses – for a while. But eventually Starsky saw through the excuses._

_‘Come on, Hutch!  You’re not that tired.  You ran two miles this morning and you weren’t even breathing hard.  We can give out Hallowe’en candy for a couple of hours. How tiring is that?’_

_‘Come on, Hutch!  It’s a Christmas party, not brain surgery.  Smile, damn you.  Your face won’t crack.’_

_‘Come on, Hutch!  I’ve had your cock in my ass, and you’ve had my cock in your mouth, and you won’t tell me your birthday?’_

_Finally, Starsky sat Hutch down on the sofa, straddled his legs, stared into his eyes, and said, ‘Spill!’_

_‘Spill what?’_

_‘What makes you hate holidays so much?  Even your own birthday!’_

_Hutch closed his eyes, but Starsky’s eyes had X-ray powers and could see through lead when it came to Hutch.  When those beautiful eyes started drilling down into his brain, he couldn’t hold out. He had no choice but to spill._

_‘You mean your parents stopped celebrating your birthday when they learned you were gay? And they stopped giving you Christmas presents? I’m sorry, Babe, but your parents need help, not you.  What were they thinking?  That not giving you presents would turn you straight?’_

_‘Yeah.  Probably. They thought they were making a man of me by not spoiling me any longer.’_

_‘Hutch.  You deserve to be spoiled.  You need to be spoiled.  Someone so beautiful was born to be spoiled.  Because no matter how much love you get, you’ll never be spoiled.  You always give more than you get.  Okay?’_

_‘If you say so, Starsk.’_

_‘Yeah, I say so.  Now!  When’s your birthday.  Quit stalling and spill.  I wanna know your birthday now, or I’ll sit in your lap all night.’_

_‘Promise?’_

_Hutch had told Starsky his birthday, and when the day rolled around, he’d prepared himself to tolerate whatever Starsky had planned.  Starsky had planned a dinner at a good restaurant, tickets to a movie, dancing at their favourite club, a romantic drive out to the canyons, and a pile of presents fit for a king._

_Then he’d given Hutch the best present:  whatever he wanted in bed._

_‘You do that every night,’ Hutch had chuckled._

_‘Yes. But this is your birthday, so it’s special,’ Starsky had breathed in his ear._

Oh, yes. Starsky did far more than brighten Hutch’s day with a smile. 


	14. Chapter 14

 

After a few more hours of one-handed typing and piano playing, Hutch’s broken arm started to ache.  He hated to take pain killers unless they were necessary, but he began to admit they were necessary.  He could hear Starsky admonishing him. 

‘If you’re in pain, I’m in pain.  I don’t want to be in pain.  Take a pill!’

Hutch wondered why Starsky couldn’t just take a pill for him, and then realized that wouldn’t be a good idea.  Starsky was out on the streets solving crimes and couldn’t afford to be doped up.  He took a couple of pills and sat in a big comfortable chair before the fireplace and settled down to read more of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’

The strange futuristic society was becoming clearer to him, and more disturbing with every chapter.  According to the Author’s Notes, Margaret Atwood had only included things which humans had actually done to each other in history.  The handmaids forced to have sex in order to bear offspring for their owners. Check.  Women forbidden to read.  Or speak in public.  Check.  People who had sex outside of marriage being executed for their crimes.  Check.  (Well, except for important men having sex with handmaids in order to reproduce.)

Homosexuality forbidden, and gay people hanged for making love to each other.  Check.  (Well, except for fertile lesbians kept alive to reproduce for important men.)

Hutch shuddered and decided he’d done enough reading for now.  He felt sleepy.  Sleepier than he should feel at this time of the day.  But too sleepy to care.  He should stretch out on the sofa, and have a nap, so he’d be awake when Starsky got home.  That’s what the little voice in his head told him.

He stretched out on the sofa and closed his eyes.

_The mist was rising.  The path was obscured.  He couldn’t remember where the path led, but he knew what it led to._

_There was a tree, and in the tree, there hung a body.  The body twisted on the end of a rope and swayed gently in the wind.  No.  He could never look upon that face again.  The face of his friend.  Of his lover in the camp.  They had stolen moments to touch each other.  To kiss. To caress each other and exchange promises. Never more than kisses and caresses, because it was too dangerous.  And then…._

_Then they were caught.  He.  His lover.  They’d been punished so hard, for just a few kisses and caresses.  And his love.  His love had hung himself on that tree.  He’d found him.  Hanging and swaying.  His face.  All because of a few kisses and caresses._

_It was late.  It was dark. The mist was rising. Where was Starsky?_

_A voice.  ‘He is lost.  Lost in the mist.  He is never coming back.  He’s forgotten you.  Or he’s rejected you. Or maybe he’s hanging in the tree. All because of you and your kisses.’_

_‘No.  Never.  He will never leave me.’_

_‘Are you so sure?’_

_‘He is mine. The other half of my soul.’_

_‘That’s a myth.  A fable.  A fairy tale.’_

_‘It is truth.’_

_‘What is truth?’_

_‘The other half of my soul. David Starsky. He is truth.  This mist is not truth.  Who are you?’_

_‘I am the truth, and the mist.  Those who are lost in me, wander in the mist forever.’_

_‘He will find me and save me.’_

_‘He won’t even look for you.  He’s not coming home.  Not tonight. Not ever.’_

_Hutch sobbed, and the sound deepened the mist, like a foghorn increasing the fog. He must not increase the fog. He must not try to see through the mist but close his eyes and let the darkness show him the way._

_In the dark, the blessed dark, he knew Starsky was out there, loving him, living for him, wanting to come home. In the dark, he knew all was well.  He knew Starsky had solved his case, locked up the perps, and was on his way home.  He heard Starsky’s car coming up the drive.  He heard Starsky put his key in the lock and try to open the door._

_He heard Starsky cursing when his key didn’t work._

_‘Open the door,’ said Hutch.  ‘Don’t lock him out.  Not ever.’_

_‘Or what?’ asked the voice._

_‘Or I will never make love to him under this roof again, and you will go back to your sexual frustration.  You want that?  Is that what this play is all about?’_

_‘I want you all to myself.’_

_‘I know.  But you will never have me.  You cannot.  I am alive.’_

_Hutch felt a moment of pure rage surround him, and then peace descended yet again. The mist dispersed.  Starsky’s key opened the door._

_Hutch kept his eyes closed for a moment, and said, ‘Never try that again, or I will raze this house to the ground, and sow the lot with salt.  Have you been unhappy while we lived here?’_

_‘No,’ said the ghost, grudgingly._

_‘Then do not wish for what you cannot have.’_

‘Hey, Babe. What’s up?  My key didn’t work for a moment there.  I thought you’d locked me out.’

‘Me?  No.  We just need to oil the locks or something.’  Hutch sat up, and opened his arms, and his other half rejoined him. 


	15. Chapter 15

 

They dozed for a while, wrapped in their love.  Starsky finally stirred and sat up.  ‘You okay?’ he asked.

‘No,’ said Hutch.  ‘You killed me.’

‘Sorry,’ said Starsky.  But he was laughing.  ‘We should wake up, I guess.  Get something to eat.’

‘Why?’ 

‘Hmmm.  You’re right.  We shouldn’t.’

The phone rang.  Starsky answered.  ‘Hutchinson/Starsky residence.  Oh.  Hi, Barbie.  Yeah, sure we’re awake. Sorta…  Sure.  We can be really awake in twenty minutes.  See you then.’ 

‘That was Barb, I gather?’ 

‘Yeah, Sherlock.  She and Marcia want to see us.  They want to make sure you’re okay, for one thing.’

‘Guess I better have a quick shower and change…. No, no.  Sex fiend. You use one of the other showers, or we’ll never be dressed properly in time.  Even if she is family.  Go on.  Remove temptation from us both.’

‘I can resist anything except temptation,’ Starsky declared.  ‘What about you? And besides, you could use my help with the shower curtain and the soap.’

At least they were showered and decently dressed by the time Barb and Marcie drove up to the front door, though it was a close call. 

‘Wow!  This place is awesome!’ said Marcie, her eyes wide.

‘I’ve been telling you,’ Starsky pointed out.  ‘I’ve been inviting you to come see it since Day One.’

‘I know, but we’ve been busy.  And then we wanted to drive up in our own car.  Like it?’

‘Um, that’s not a car, that’s a Jeep.’

‘A Jeep Wrangler,’ said Barbara.  ‘We’re going camping this weekend, like stereotypical Lesbians.  Don’t look so horrified.’

‘I’m not horrified,’ Starsky protested.  ‘I’m…I’m…Help me out here, Hutch.  You’re the guy with the big vocabulary.’

‘Are you appalled, Starsk?’

‘Yeah.  I’m appalled.  Not because you’re Lesbians.  But, I mean, the outdoors.  It’s okay, as long as the indoors is close by.  I prefer the indoors.  It’s safer.  Hutch?  You okay?’

‘Fine, Starsky.  I just….’

‘Whoa.  Don’t pass out on us.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Here. Sit down on the step.  All those pain pills, probably.’

‘Sorry, Ken.  We’re keeping you talking on your front stairs when you’re still in pain.’

‘That’s okay, Barb.  It’s not real pain.  My arm is just a little sore. Let’s go inside and show you around our house.  It’s yours as well as ours, you know.’

‘So Grandmother tells us.  We’ve been talking on the phone a lot lately.  It’s nice.  I missed her.  She sent us a lot of money – both of us.  It’s so kind of her. But….I mean….It’s just money.  It’s not why I’m happy we’re talking again.’

‘I know.  Intergenerational relationships are vital.’

‘They are,’ said Barb.  ‘It’s just that…that I’m not used to them being so warm and friendly.  I know Grandmother kept me at a distance in order to protect herself….’

‘Yeah, they suspected everything she did and said. She was always being watched and judged.’  Hutch shuddered a little, remembering what that felt like.

‘Things are better now,’ said Barb.  ‘Here, Ken.  Sit down and rest, and I’ll keep you company.  Dave can show Marcia around the house.  I wanted to tell you about some of the ideas we have.  If there’s a room big enough, I thought I might turn it in to a dance studio and teach dance.  Ballet and Modern and Jazz.’

‘Hey!  That sounds great.  There’s a room similar to this one at the other end of the house.’

‘I’ll check it out later.  How are you doing?’

‘Fine,’ said Hutch.

‘Oh, I know you don’t like people fussing over you.  It’s just not what I expected.  You being gay bashed your first week of classes.  Maybe after a week or two when your classmates have more experience with your intellectual arrogance.’

‘Thanks a lot, Sis.’  But he was chuckling.  ‘In a way you’re right.  I was pretty arrogant with him when he made some remarks about how straight white men were downtrodden.  God, that sort of thing pisses me off.’

‘Same here…but how are you doing, really?  Besides the arm, I mean?  You look a bit stressed out.  It must be difficult writing down all those memories.  It would be for anyone, but….’

‘It has been tough, I agree.  But Starsky is there beside me, even when he’s away at work.  And then there’s the ghost.’

‘The ghost?  There’s a ghost.’

‘Barb. Barb?’  Marcia came running in, all excited.  ‘Barb?’

‘Yeah? I’m here. What’s up?’

‘This house is haunted.  We have to move in, even if just part time.  I’ve always wanted to live in a haunted house!’

‘Are the two of you crazy?  A ghost?  There are no ghosts.’

‘Well, yes there are. I’ve been talking to him the last few days,’ said Hutch.

‘Wow!’ said Barb.  ‘Those must be some wild drugs they have you on.’

‘We’ve been acquainted since before the pain killers, Barb.  And I understand your mockery, but it’s not pertinent. The ghost is real.  How do you know about it, Marcie?’

‘I felt this weird _presence._   It’s not aggressive.  More like curious.  Dave told me it must be the ghost.’

‘So, it scanned your mind, and it knows you’re not a threat,’ said Starsky. 

‘The ghost doesn’t like Starsky, 'Hutch added.  ‘It’s jealous.’

‘Oh, really, Ken.’

‘I’m serious, Barb.  It’s jealous.  Aren’t you, Ghost?  But it’s a pointless jealousy.  Look, we have a unique relationship.  You’re the only ghost in my life.  Like Starsky is my only lover.  Barbara is my only sister. And Marcia my only sister-in-law.  See?  We’re all equal, so just chill, okay?’

‘Wow!’ said Barb again, after a long peaceful moment.  ‘Life with you guys is never boring.’

 

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to get back to this story. But I'm back!

 

It must be very late at night, and he’d been asleep for hours, Starsky thought, as he came back to consciousness with a startling suddenness.  He felt Hutch stir beside him and slide slowly out of bed.  The moon was shining in the windows and pooling in the middle of the floor, bright as daylight, almost.  Hutch stepped into that light and began to glow with an almost supernatural force.  He was naked, and his beauty was even more breathtaking than usual.  And his usual beauty was spectacular.

‘Babe?  What are you doing out of bed?’  Starsky tossed the covers aside.  ‘Come back to bed, darlin’.  It’s cold in the moonlight, this time of night.’  Hutch turned to him, but his face was blank.  His eyes were dark and unresponsive somehow, as if he was still asleep.  Sleepwalking?  Too many painkillers?  Maybe, but it was eerie.

‘Hutch?  You awake?’  No answer.  Clearly, he was not awake.  Starsky got out of bed, and headed toward his lover, but Hutch didn’t seem to notice.  He turned and hurried out of the room.  Then Starsky heard the front door open.  Hutch was going outside?  In the middle of the night?  Naked?  Naked, with a broken arm?

Starsky did a hurried search of the room and grabbed Hutch’s shorts and his own.  He made it out the door, just in time to see Hutch disappear up the road toward the little wood on the edge of their property. 

Wonderful.  Hutch was going exploring in the woods in the middle of the night.  Naked as a jaybird, with a broken arm.  Only jaybirds weren’t really naked, since they had feathers.  Granted no one was around to catch a glimpse of Hutch naked, but who knows where he was headed to?  ‘Hutch?  Where you going?  Naked as a jaybird?  And what does that mean, anyway?’  Probably Hutch would know.  He knew all kinds of weird things like that. Starsky called after him again, hoping he’d stop, and wake up properly, and come back and explain about naked jaybirds.

Hutch didn’t turn back, but he stopped and waited for Starsky to catch up, before going on.  It seemed more of an instinctive reaction to Starsky’s voice, rather than something conscious and purposeful, though.  ‘At least put your shorts on,’ Starsky admonished.  ‘If we’re going to be prowling through the wilderness, we don’t want our private parts to be bouncing around getting caught on bushes. Do we?’

But Hutch didn’t seem to be worried.  He forged on, and Starsky followed in a kind of daze.  He wasn’t even sure he was awake, and struggled to keep his eyes open, afraid to let Hutch go on alone.  Hutch did at least seem to know where he was going.

Starsky knew his way around cities of all kinds.  He understood them, no matter how dangerous they might be.  But the jungle?  The forest?  Hutch would scoff and say this was neither jungle nor forest but only a little wood, near their home.  Still, who knew what lurked in the undergrowth?  Animals were not civilized human beings, or even humans of the uncivilized variety. Who knew what their thought processes even were?  Did they have thought processes?  Starsky, who had discovered that he hated being woken in the middle of the night and forced to follow Hutch into the jungle, found himself wondering how he might deal with strange animals with inhuman thought processes who dared to attack naked Hutch.

Hutch paused on the trail, and Starsky, who was still attempting to plan a reaction to inhuman thought processes, bumped into his naked back.  ‘Babe,’ he said.  ‘I love you, but please can we go home and back to bed.  I’m cold.  Where are we, anyway?’  He looked over Hutch’s shoulder.  They were in a…a clearing of some kind, Starsky supposed.  A little stream ran down into it from some hidden, mysterious source. The stream had created a pond. The moonlight, the same moonlight which had apparently woken his love from sleep and lured him out into the wild, that moonlight was pouring down from above and lighting up the clearing like a movie set.  Hutch stepped into the moonlight and turned toward the pond. 

‘Babe!  No, no, no.  Don’t go trying to swim in the pond.  God knows what germs are in it.’  But Hutch simply knelt by the pond and looked up at the moon.  He had become ethereally beautiful, like an angel come down to earth.  Like a knight on the quest for the Holy Grail, whatever that was.  ‘Okay,’ said Starsky.  ‘That’s okay.  Just kneel there and pray or something.  I’ll join you.’  Starsky came and sat down beside Hutch.  Then he leaned against Hutch.  Then he gave up and curled up on the ground beside Hutch, holding his shorts in the hopes he might eventually be able to persuade Hutch to put them on.  But eventually he fell asleep, bathing in the moonlight. 

When he awoke, it was dawn.  The moonlight had been replaced by a sort of sickly sunlight.  Starsky opened his eyes and shuddered.  Hutch had taken the shorts from his clutching hands and was now putting them on.  He was smiling.  He was entirely too cheerful for someone who had spent half the night kneeling beside a germ-filled pond out in the wilderness.  ‘What are you doing out here?’ asked Hutch.

‘I followed you,’ Starsky explained.  ‘What are you doing out here?’

‘I followed the ghost,’ said Hutch. 

 

 

 


End file.
